Friday, February 19, 2010

We Learn Mucho From Our People

This is what we have learned in our years living in Mexico. Enjoy!

Myths, Cures, and Remedies

1. If you bump your head, mix a bit of saliva and sugar together and wipe it on that spot. This will make the goose egg disappear. 

2. If you are pregnant, when there is a full moon, you MUST wear something with red on it. A red ribbon, a red belt...something! If you don't the moon will 'eat your baby' and/or the baby will have a cleft palate.

3. If you don't tell anyone you are pregnant, you won't show, but as soon as you announce it, out comes the baby bump! (Does this mean if you don't tell anyone for 9 months, you'll have a very tiny kid?)

4. If you eat green veggies then get super angry, the greens will have an adverse affect on your body. They will turn into rocks and will have to be surgically removed.

5. For a bloody nose: Wipe forehead with a cool cloth, in an upward motion.

6. If your child won't stop crying, wipe a strip of saliva up and down his spine then jerk the skin up. This should calm him. 

7. When your kid swallows something he shouldn't (gum, cardboard, dirt, etc.) give him 2 tablespoons of cooking oil, hold him upside down by his feet, shake shake shake, and he will be fine.

8. If your kid won't eat, again...2 tablespoons of oil and pulling up on the skin by the spine will do the trick.

9. To cure a goose egg, rub it as soon and as hard as possible.

10. Don't eat watermelon and drink beer at the same time or you'll die. 

11. If you take medication with Coca Cola, you will get high.

12. If your food falls off your fork it means someone was looking at it and wanted it.

13. If you do not baptize your newborn into the Catholic church, it will grow horns.

14. Don't wipe the slobber off your baby's face or she will get indigestion.

15. To whiten teeth: Burn a tortilla until it is black, crumble it, then rub it into your teeth. Wash it off, brush your teeth like normal and...Voila!! You've got yourself some pearly whites!

16. If you are pregnant and do not eat what you crave, your baby will die.

17. If someone sweeps over your feet with a broom you will marry a widow.

18. Hang scissors in an open position over your doorway to keep witches from entering your house - they like to steal babies.

19. Having your baby blessed by a priest at birth or soon after, helps to calm their personality (too much crying means they are demon possessed).

20. If you are pregnant and want to have a boy, you must walk on your hands to your nearest cathedral wearing a pink dress with lime green frogs on it, balancing a lit candle of the bottoms of each of your feet. (I'm kidding...I just needed a #20).

We hope you have learned a lot, or at least have been entertained for the past couple minutes.
And if ever you have a medical question...just ask...I'm sure we have cheap cure for it!


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

LOVED that one, and of ALL the "cures" I am sure THIS ONE is sure to have the highest success rate!!
If you can walk on your hands that far I am SURE God will have mercy on you and give you a baby boy!!!
Sincerely, U NO WHO....
Love, Aunt Darlene

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