Wednesday, March 30, 2011

But I Didn't Eat Pizza

A few nights ago, I had a dream. I didn't think anything about it until the next day. And now it keeps bugging me. 
I was on a bike riding down a never-ending freeway, and there was nothing around me for miles. It was a super nice road, had lines, was paved, etc. (I must NOT have been in Mexico...)
 There was a bridge up ahead and past the bridge, far far away were the lights of a city. I was racing down this road going so extremely fast that I couldn't even move my fingers to press the brakes for fear of losing control.
I was aiming to cross the bridge, but all of a sudden a dead end appeared in front of me. There was a rest stop and an old man standing there. I remember being scared I wouldn't be able to slow down enough to turn around. But I did, and right when I did, I woke up. 

The only interpretation I could come up with:

I'm headed nowhere fast. 

At least that is what I would tell someone if they told me what I just told you. 
That, or they ate too much pizza the night before. 
(See title). 

Myths, Cures, and Remedies

(This is what we have learned in our years living in Mexico. Enjoy!)

1. If you bump your head, mix a bit of saliva and sugar together and wipe it on that spot. This will make the goose egg disappear. 

2. If you are pregnant, when there is a full moon, you MUST wear something with red on it. A red ribbon, a red belt...something! If you don't the moon will 'eat your baby' and/or the baby will have a cleft palate.

3. If you don't tell anyone you are pregnant, you won't show, but as soon as you announce it, out comes the baby bump! (Does this mean if you don't tell anyone for 9 months, you'll have a very tiny kid?)

4. If you eat green veggies then get super angry, the greens will have an adverse affect on your body. They will turn into rocks and will have to be surgically removed.

5. For a bloody nose: Wipe forehead with a cool cloth, in an upward motion.

6. If your child won't stop crying, wipe a strip of saliva up and down his spine then jerk the skin up. This should calm him. 

7. When your kid swallows something he shouldn't (gum, cardboard, dirt, etc.) give him 2 tablespoons of cooking oil, hold him upside down by his feet, shake shake shake, and he will be fine.

8. If your kid won't eat, again...2 tablespoons of oil and pulling up on the skin by the spine will do the trick.

9. To cure a goose egg, rub it as soon and as hard as possible.

10. Don't eat watermelon and drink beer at the same time or you'll die. 

11. If you take medication with Coca Cola, you will get high.

12. If your food falls off your fork it means someone was looking at it and wanted it.

13. If you do not baptize your newborn into the Catholic church, it will grow horns.

14. Don't wipe the slobber off your baby's face or she will get indigestion.

15. To whiten teeth: Burn a tortilla until it is black, crumble it, then rub it into your teeth. Wash it off, brush your teeth like normal and...Voila!! You've got yourself some pearly whites!

16. If you are pregnant and do not eat what you crave, your baby will die.

17. If someone sweeps over your feet with a broom you will marry a widow.

18. Hang scissors in an open position over your doorway to keep witches from entering your house - they like to steal babies.

19. Having your baby blessed by a priest at birth or soon after, helps to calm their personality (too much crying means they are demon possessed).

20. If you are pregnant and want to have a boy, you must walk on your hands to your nearest cathedral wearing a pink dress with lime green frogs on it, balancing a lit candle of the bottoms of each of your feet. (I'm kidding...I just needed a #20).

We hope you have learned a lot, or at least have been entertained for the past couple minutes.
And if ever you have a medical question...just ask...I'm sure we have cheap cure for it!


Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Where You Going?

A while back, my dad was talking to the church about how God wants to bring us to a higher level, to new places we've never been before. Apparently there was a little confusion. After church, one of the ladies came up to El Pastor and wanted to know where we were moving. *Laugh, laugh, laugh!*
You won't need legs where you are going, little pie dude...

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Tabernaculo de Victoria Youth

I still smile every time I look at this picture. Actually, I think I'm happier about this than I was a year ago because these kids are still here.  
We love them so much and are so proud of them!
We wait with anticipation to see how God is going to use them to reach this city.

Con Todo Respeto....

It's late. But I accidentally fell asleep earlier when I was preparing my Sunday school lesson for tomorrow. (That probably doesn't bode well for my class.....haha ;) So anyways, I can't sleep and it's because I saw something today that is liable to give me nightmares for the next year. 
I was sitting outside Costco eating my hot dog when I looked over at the lady at the next table....
I should have just looked at her forehead or something.....but I looked at her foot. I won't go into detail, but let me say...I got the instant revelation that the pinky toe is God's ugliest creation. 
I mean, what IS that?? 
Who knows? It might be what that hot dog at Costco was made of. Ugh...
I've heard that saying, "God don't make no junk". Whoever made that up was either BLIND or never really looked at their feet. 
Maybe God was rushing when he formed that last little toe. It seems to me, like he could've made it a little straighter and......more normal looking. Or just forgot about it all together. 
Except then we'd only have 8 toes, and we'd only be able to count to 18 instead of 20. 
Maybe He did know what He was doing after all. 

I'm tempted to put more pictures of pinky toes on here, but I guess I'll spare you guys. 
I've made my point. 

Ohhhh...also, let me just say thank you to everyone that has left a comment these past couple of weeks. 
If you've ever left a comment on here, you probaby know I'm terrible at responding, but believe me I do read all of them. They are much appreciated! They give me oil in my lamp and keep me blogging, blogging, blogging.... :D

Now in closing, to back all of this up with scripture, I'll leave you all with one last thought...
"And if thy right [pinky toe] offend thee, [cut it off], and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell."

Matthew 5:29

(Bethany's Interpretation)

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Ami and Jerson

Children's church last night was crazy. El Pastor had everyone busting a gut. Nicole turned to me in the middle of the preaching and said, "Is Dad on Vicodin?"
The dead king

Ami and his brother, Jerson came to church last night!

They said they really liked the piano and drums. (Their church doesn't believe in music of any kind). 
The oldest boy said he is going to be baptized and said he wants the Holy Ghost. Very exciting :))
Hopefully they will come tomorrow!

Friday, March 25, 2011


There was a kid that came to the house last week wanting help with his English homework. His name is Ami and he goes to the church a few blocks from ours. He seems like a pretty smart little guy...Nicole has started helping him a few times a week here at the house, and he always has something very intelligent to say. 
Last week, he mentioned that he was going to be leading part of the service at his church and he invited Nicole and my mom. I said from the beginning that I was not going to go. I don't know why really because we go to the cathedrals all the time, but this one just game me the heebie jeebies. 
Well obviously Nicole couldn't go by herself, Sister Mom is in the US, and El Pastor was conveniently sick. :D Long story short, (trust me, it gets very gory) me and Mother Teresa went to church. 

There's something special about walking down the street then suddenly seeing a bunch of cows and bulls and sheep running towards you...that feeling of panic...unexplainable :P

The white building is the church. Their organization is called Luz del Mundo. (Light of the World). 
We call it the church with the legs on top of it. 

Time to go inside....
Nicole--"Wait, wait I can't find my contact..." Haha :)

So after Nicole located her contact that was lost in her eyeball, we made our grand entrance. 
We scooted in the back pew and what do ya know...We sat right next to Ami's mom. :)
As soon as we sat down, she leaned forward and whispered something to the lady in front of her. 
The whole row of women started digging in their purses, then 2 veils were passed back and handed to us. 
"Alrighty girls, lets all open our Bibles to I Corinthians, chapter 11..."
Heh heh...NO I did NOT put it on! It didn't match my outfit... :D

That's Ami behind the pulpit. 
(See how the women sit on one side and the men on the other).

Kneeling to pray. 
(No, we didn't do that either...the nice part though, is that we did not get thrown into the fiery furnace).

Nicole and Ami

They sold food after church and Ami's mom sent us home with some tostadas. 
It didn't completely make up for the hard pews and dead service, but hey...
Nicole has a thing for Ami and wants to try to win him. 
So we'll see what happens!

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Tutorials a la Beth (Make a Blog App)

I thought I'd be nice and helpful to all of you guys that are on iPads or iPhones...
Here is my endeavor to make your blog-reading experience a better one. :p

Instead of googling the blog every time you get on, you can make an app/icon of it. 
(If you already all knew this, just pretend you didn't because I just figured it out....)

1. Get on the blog. If you are reading this, obviously you are already here. Good job!
2. Zoom into the picture that you want to on your icon. For example: if you want my face as an app, just zoom into my picture. Haha ;) Or you could have the header picture as the icon...whatever your little heart desires....
3. Tap the little button at the bottom of your screen, the one that is a square with and arrow in it. 
4. Tap "Add to Home Screen". 
5. Name it what you want. 
6. Tap "Add". 
7. Ta-da! You now have your very own totally cool "The Wakefields in Mexico" blog app, like this!
See now I have an app called "The Bo Blog"
Notice the "no SIM" in the top left hand corner :p 
I got it worked out with AT&T though. I won't have a phone for the next 2 weeks, but I'm geting a new SIM card because, turns out that was why my texts weren't sending. And on eBay I found the little SIM card frame thing that I lost yesterday. My mom will be bringing these things back with her in 2 weeks. 

And since this picture is so conveniently on my phone.... 
Snow. Snow. Snow. 
I want snow. 
Speaking of the U.S....
Am I the only one looking forward to Pacific Coast Camp?
WOAH. 3 more months......
Who's going??? Anyone? Everyone?
WOOOO!! I seriously get dizzy every time I think about it.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Tio Mario's

I'm a little late posting these pictures, but hey...better late than never, no?
Last Sunday before church, during prayer, a dumptruck with some mean speakers parked in front of our church and turned on its music. They had little dance celebration for about 15 minutes. 
It's something having to do with preparing for Easter. 

Mi Tio Mario preached. 
Do you want to be a weapon in the hands of the devil or be a weapon used in the kingdom of God?

The congregation

There was an awesome move of God in the altar service!
Some of my kids that haven't prayed in a long time got a good touch. 
It was a relief to see. Haha. 

I never posted about these people, because it's just too weird and confusing, but the young man my dad is praying for is a little strange and that is his sister beside him in the green tank top. They have come the past few Sundays, and come right in time to hear the preaching. The girl told us that she is married to Justin Timberlake and is pregnant with his baby. She also said she is two and a half people. (As in schizophrenic?) 
She used to just come with her mom, but now her brother and sister come sometimes too. 
Last Sunday, the brother went up to my mom and asked her for me and Nicole's names and ages.
...Shiver me timbers...

I just want to throw out a little piece of advice. 
Never take your phone apart in the presence of a 2-year-old and a cat. 
(The little plastic sim card slot thing in my iPhone has vanished).
Also, if you want to talk to a live person at AT&T, sing into the phone and press 0 until you get your victory. 
It works. I know from experience. 

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

El Pastor's Birthday Service

These past couple weeks we have been planning a surprise birthday party for El Pastor. His birthday was this past Wednesday we had a little celebration after church on Sunday. 
He had noooooo clue which was too funny...
Here mom is in the kitchen preparing 40 chicken legs and about 55 cakes and he asks NO questions. 
We rented chairs and tables, had a special speaker, got a brother from Elder Wakefield's church to do our music, people were bringing in food before church....It was funny to watch Dad pace back and forth on the platform, eyes closed in prayer while Elder and Sis. Wakefield and their assistant and family came in. 
Then his eyes popped open and he said "WHAT is going ON?"

Song service...

It was a nice break for me...I didn't have to teach or play the piano...
Only sing a special, that was it....

Tabernaculo de Victoria youth choir

Elder Sis. Wakefield :)
She did a "happy birthday speech" and talked about El Pastor when he was younger and made us all cry ;P

Grampa preaching

Me cutting the Flan.....Mmmm!

Nicole and Judah

El Pastor and Judah

I obviously did a little too much fellowshipping and not enough picture taking...
Ooooooh well...We had a good time!! 

Austin on a Mission

A few minutes ago I sent Austin to the store to buy some sour cream. I told him to ask for "crema Alpura". 
He put his chin in the air, his forehead wrinkled, and said, "Crema Alpura."
He then turned around and started marching down the street. 
I could hear him chanting to himself all the way, "Crema Alpura, crema Alpura, crema Alpura...."

 He cracks me up :p


Monday, March 21, 2011

Salute Me--I'm In Charge, Ya'll!

Today la mom flew out of Mexico City to go and see her parents in California. 
She'll be gone for 15 days. 
So I'm the head honcho (feminine=honcha?) for 2 weeks. 
Me, charge. La Jefa...
I love it.
Yes, Dad's here...but still...
And since we're speaking of the U.S. I might as well add this...
Since they don't have it here....
I want some...........

El Daddio wasn't in town today so we were basically forbidden to leave the house. 
(Thank you, drug cartels and kidnappers...)
This pretty much sums up my day:
Yes. Mission accomplished. 
....Oh my word....what am I going to teach on Sunday??
Heh heh. :p

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Obregon II

 On Thursday we went up to a little village called Obregon to have a service with some family of some family of our church here. Here are some pictures :)

Nicole eating a mango

My favorite fruit...Mmmmmm :)
The goal is to peel it and eat it in a way that your hands do not get dirty. 
The people here eat with tortillas instead of forks so they are pretty good at it. 

One of the ladies from church that went up to Obregon with us really liked my velvet shoes. 
I think for an hour straight she rubbed my shoe.... awkward...haha just kidding ...
I guess that's what I get for not staying on "my side" of the car... :P

Hopefully ya'll can get my drift but...
The eople-pay from my urch-chay ead-ray this og-blay. 
So I gotta be sorta sly here....
The man from our church that came with us knew my dad likes Carnitas. (Pork tacos). 
I'm not too crazy about pork on account of getting food poisening once from pork, but hey. I don't wanna rain on anyone's parade...right?
So we pull over at this tent/restauant and sit down. The lady immediately brings us a sample of "cuero de marrano". 
This is pig skin boiled in oil. But not that crunchy stuff...This is gooey. 

I ag-gay when I see this...

No joke...they shave the pig skins first then boil it. 
But you can still see and feel the pokey hairs beneath the surface. 

*Jiggle, jiggle*

Original Video - More videos at TinyPic

So the man from our church ordered a big-O plate of this stuff....
And in Mexico, it is rude to refuse food or not eat what is served to you. 
I think this is one part of the culture that I struggle most with. 

Nicole and Dad were troopers, but I took a little bite of that slimy stuff and totally did the dog shake. 

So this was my taco. Sneaky huh? :p
Avacado with lime :)

Nicole and her taco. 

When we prayed for our food, of course we said our usual "God, please kill the germs in this food and don't let us get sick" prayer. But I added something new...
"God, bring dogs to our table..."

And what do ya know...I look into the sunset and could see dogs running from all directions toward our humble little tent/restaurant. 
Even God didn't like pork ... (See Deut 14:8)

Mom did not come with us, but I didn't want her to miss out on this special experience so I cut a little mol-ey off the pig skin to bring home for her. 

Pork love

Oh goodness...
This was one of the weirdest days ever...
When we got to Obregon, we walked into the people's yard and hanging from the tree in their yard were two skinned skunks. 
We asked them what they were for and they told us that they are going to boil them then eat them because they are full of vitamins and help with Anemia. 
Also, when their kids get sick they boil the dried out skunk and rub it on their kids' skin. 
I think now would be a good time for us all to stop reading for a moment and give thanks to God that we were not born in Obregon....
**.......Moment of silence......**


The skunks' skins

El Pastor teaching on the oneness

These people only have one plug in their house and it is in the light bulb in the ceiling. 
Thus the guitar. 

Their turkeys sleep in the tree

When we got back home I checked on my Mom's souvenir.
It had turned black and shriveled up. Bummer. 


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